Our Great God.

Every day I am amazed at the goodness of the God I serve.  As I see more of the world's brokenness and this brokenness reflected in my own life, I am overwhelmed.  Jesus came down into the mess of our lives.  He does not ask us to come to the mountain first, "Be holy, be upright, and then you can draw near to me."  Instead, he says, "For [I] came to seek and save the lost" (Luke 19:10).  HE sought US.  I do not understand it.  I cannot comprehend this.

I am always trying to attain moral perfection.  Trying to be holy in all things so that I may be presented to God as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God (Romans 12:1).  This is good, this is biblical, right?  Yes, yet "my" holiness that I am seeking has absolutely nothing to do with me and my works, which I often forget.  It is Christ's redemptive work in my heart that is changing me.  It is his truth, his holiness, and his goodness at work within me that will make me acceptable unto God.  He is slowly taking this broken vessel and mending it into something beautiful.  Praise be to God.

Our righteousness is not attained by works and the law.  It is through faith in what Christ has done.  We cannot ascend into heaven through moral transformation.  Our transformation comes only through Christ.  I am humbled by this thought, that I cannot do anything.  I do not have the power to save myself or others from the brokenness of the world.  It often makes me feel helpless. Yet, this knowledge keeps me constantly seeking the true Healer.  I do not have the power to keep others from hurting, and I know I will often hurt others.  BUT Christ has come to save.  He has the power to redeem every situation, every broken and messed up thing we do, and use it for His glory, if we simply let Him.  Wow.  I stand amazed at the goodness of God.

Blessings and peace.

The Bystander Effect.

This is so incredible and hard to believe. I know I am often so guilty of the very same thing as shown in this video, but seeing it still frustrates me so much. It is so very convicting to me. I hope that I no longer turn my eyes away from those in need, but learn to set aside my desires and comfort to help.

Nearing the end, or is it the beginning?

I don't often think about growing old or the end of life, but sometimes these thoughts spring randomly into my head. I pray that I am not being naive in saying these things for my desire is not to be ignorant or misled, but to share some of my raw thoughts and ponderings that are, hopefully, pushing me towards truth.

That being said, when I grow old (and, indeed, every day I am growing older), I do not want to have the tendency of looking back at my life and thinking of all the things I could have or should have done. I hope that I don't even look back at all, except to see how God has molded and shaped my life for Him and to share what I have learned through the process.

I desire to have the perspective that my life, my true life through Christ, is not tied to this world or to this body. I have been born into the renewed, everlasting life of Christ, and although I may die in this world, my true life will always be held securely and vibrantly alive in Him.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above
where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory."
-Colossians 3:1-4

So, as I grow older, I am not getting closer to the end of my life, only to the end of THIS life. I hope that I can retain that perspective as I go past mile markers in this world. That passing those markers is nothing to regret, going into my full adulthood is not leaving anything behind, turning 50, 60, 70, 80 is not losing more of life. I am only gaining. With each step, with every marker, I gain. Every step of the way I am only getting that much closer to being freed from sin, oppression, and pain, and from basking in the presence of my Savior for all eternity. At every milestone, I am breaking free from the bondage and becoming ever closer to Him.

Growing old is something to be celebrated. I long for it. I long to be in the glorious presence of my God.

Yet, I know there is work to be done here. He is giving me the opportunity to work for Him on this earth and to share His love with all whom I encounter. What a joy it is to serve Him!

Now, I know that I am not Paul. But the desire I know full well.

"For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." -Philippians 1:21-26


Grace and Peace.

Entitlement.

Sometimes I just feel so tired. I often feel like I am constantly at war with myself and the world around me. I think almost everyone can relate to this, but it sure is tiring. I very much dislike having to go through this process of self-discovery. Who am I really? What do I believe in? What values do I choose to stand upon? These questions are always gnawing at me. There are times where I feel so devastated by these thoughts that any sound of hope gets drowned out.


And then there are those moments where I am completely overwhelmed by God's glorious grace.


Without those moments, I know I would be truly lost.


My church has been studying Romans for a while now. I love this book. In fact, I love the entire Word of God, but it just so happens that this is the one we are studying. It has given me clarity on many issues and also causes me to question some others. However, today it has once again given me a renewed vision of my awesome God.

For the past few weeks, we have been in chapter nine. What I always thought was such a foggy passage is beginning to be cleared in my mind. In this chapter, Paul speaks of vessels of wrath and vessels of mercy in speaking of God's sovereign choice. This has always confused me because, with my human logic, I can see the "unfairness" of God choosing some people for destruction and others for mercy. How does God make that choice? And why does God choose some for destruction? Isn't that unfair?

If God was man, I think it definitely would be. People cannot go around choosing people to destroy and get away with it. But God does not live by our standards. He is infinitely holy, and He is infinitely just. According to His standards, we are all deserving of eternal torment because of our sin and because of the glorious holiness of the One we have sinned against. Somehow, we get this feeling of entitlement. That God SHOULD show us mercy, like we somehow are deserving of it. Yet, we are not. We do not deserve it in any way, shape, or form. But THAT is what makes His grace so scandalous and so unbelievable. That He personally chose to redeem our souls and bring us into the promise He has given His people through His Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

We are not His people. I am not a Jew; I was not the holy nation promised a Savior. I am a complete and utter Gentile. YET, God in His goodness and mercy chose to bring me into that family, that chosen people.

And thus, the reason why I am overwhelmed.

I am constantly trying to figure things out. Figuring out my life (where it's going, what's happening now, where is God taking me, do I really believe THAT?), figuring out my friends's lives, figuring out my family's life, just figuring out all the lives. I never really stop and simply dwell in the fact that I follow a God who chose me. He chose me, and He will bring me to the place He has prepared for me because HE has promised it to me. Don't ask me why He has done this. I don't know. It defies all rules and regulations, all logic. But I believe this to be true.

If whoever is reading this is ever in any need of quality, thought-provoking words, I suggest going to this website and reading one or two of Oswald Chamber's My Utmost For His Highest devotionals. He has many good things to say. A few words from today's:


"When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing. Never try to help God fulfill His word. Abram went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all of his self-sufficiency was destroyed. He grew past the point of relying on his own common sense. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not a period of God’s displeasure. There is never any need to pretend that your life is filled with joy and confidence; just wait upon God and be grounded in Him."

This is something I need to be reminded of during this time of internal conflict for me. I need to trust that He will fulfill His purposes in my life. 

As always, I hope that whoever reads this (if anyone) can get some kernel of goodness from it, if they can get through my random jumping about. My simple prayer is that God reveals Himself and the awesomeness of who He is to you each and every day.

Blessings and peace.

New Years.

Another New Year, another new beginning. I like that. It's like a refresh button on life. That is, if you are intentional about using it as such. I decided this year, I would. I am in need of a refresh button. This past year has been exceedingly difficult for many reasons. I am thankful for what God has shown me and the people He has brought into my life during 2013, but I am letting all the pain and darkness go. I am refreshing my life, bringing over the new being that He has molded me into, but leaving my old, outer shell behind. I choose to live in His grace and the newness of life that He has given me. I choose to live within His zoe life (confused? See my first blog post :) ).

As I was thinking about what it would look like to really let go of some of the negative things I've been holding onto, I decided that it would be beneficial for me to make a New Years resolution. Just to really make it official that this is, in fact, a new year. I thought about lots of different things I could do, such as giving up watching movies/TV aka hulu, giving up facebook, having a day of solitude every month, etc. Then I realized that all I want from this year is to grow closer to the One that I was saved for the purpose of knowing. 

It seems rather silly to say this, but my idea came through a dream. Don't ask me to recount the dream, I can't. All I remember from my dreaming was one clear thought: my dedication for the new year needs to be self-sacrifice. I woke up with that thought in my mind. Self-sacrifice. It seems like so often the only thing that is keeping me from having a deeper, more connected relationship with my Lord is myself. My own selfish desires, my laziness, my greed. If my goal truly is to grow closer to Him, then I need to give up myself. 

"The Christian way is different: harder, and easier. Christ says, 'Give me all. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want you. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don't want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked--the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.' "- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Thanks, Clive Staples. 

This year I dedicate as a year of self sacrifice and giving. Giving up natural self for the sake of pursuing the Lord. I am going to seek everyday to intentional give myself to the Lord. And I am writing it down for the world to keep me accountable. World, are you up for the challenge?

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." -Matthew 10:39

Mere Christianity.

After a semester of a chapter here and a chapter there, I finally finished C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity. Mission accomplished. So many golden nuggets in that book. Instead of trying to state everything I learned from that book (because first of all, if you haven't read it, you need to; second, it would take forever), I just want to go over one small interesting thought that this brilliant man leaves the reader with. In his last chapter "The New Men", Lewis tries to describe the transformation that occurs when an individual gives his or her life to Christ.

We read in the bible that Christ talked about losing and finding yourself. As Christians, we are supposed to lose ourselves in Him in order to find ourselves. Alright, so we set aside "who we are" (our dreams, goals, desires, where we find value, and what not; these things that define the individual), and fill that space with Christ, his goals and desires. Lewis states that the logical conclusion of all this would be that we are being transformed into little "christs", all exactly the same. Woah, there! Not so, he claims.

Lewis goes on to give an analogy of what happens that I find extremely interesting. Here is a rough paraphrase: Salt has a very strong flavor. One would think that adding it to a food would make the food taste just like salt; however, rather than change the flavor, the salt brings out the natural flavors in the food so that they are more defined. The salt makes the food even more brilliant with a richer, more unique flavor.

"The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become."

When Christ comes into the life of an individual, a beautiful thing occurs. That person is filled with His Spirit and can now be who he was made to be. No longer is he confined and bound by natural, sinful desires, his upbringing, societal norms, etc. He can be fully who he was made to be, a being unique and loved by God, fearfully and wonderfully made to be in a loving relationship with his Creator.

It is so interesting that mankind tries so hard to be the same. We try to fit in, yet, at the same time, strive for individuality. We are swayed so much by culture and the norms we were raised with. Peer pressure, not just a term reserved for middle schoolers. How could a God who created such individuality, so that not one man's genetics are the same as any man before or any man after, desire us to strive for "sameness"? We have an incredibly creative Creator.

How do we find who we are made to be? By losing ourselves in Christ. It begins to make some sense in my mind. Thank you, Clive Staples.

"Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in."

Be soft.

I can be somewhat of an idealist at times. This can be both a good and a bad thing. When I focus too much on the imperfection of the world, it causes me to be very critical of all those around me and often leads to cynicism. That's the bad end. When I let my idealism enable me to empower those in my circle of influence towards what is good, right, and noble, that is the good end. So often, I find myself on the wrong end of the spectrum. It is so easy to become hardened when one sees the darkness that man inevitably and constantly gets caught up in. 

How do we keep ourselves soft? How do we remain feeling and sensitive to the needs of those around us? I find it to be easier to hide myself in a hard bubble of a cynical attitude. How do I break that? 

I realized that I can't.

I cannot be released from this on my own. It's my protection from the hardness of the world. I will always be drawn back into it. The only way I can break free from this is by being pulled out of it and attaching myself to something more firm and unbending, and yet infinitely loving. Something transcendent of the darkness. Something that gives light and life.

How do I remain soft in the hardness of the world? By firmly planting myself in the love of God. Being filled to overflowing with His goodness that I cannot be hard towards the world which is in such need of Him. I can no longer hide in my bubble of judgment because I see that I am being pulled out of the same mire as the rest of mankind. 

What makes this world beautiful? I could say all the normal Christiany things such as, "well, God created it" or "it reflects His beauty", both of which are completely true. But what makes this world uniquely beautiful to me? Because it is the one place where we see such incredible contrast between darkness and light. I am able to see the pit of despair I have been pulled out of, and the hope and joy I have been brought into. It was the contrast that brought me to Him, but it is He who keeps me ever seeking His truths.

My encouragement for the day is to be soft. Make it a point to remain sensitive, feeling, and caring for even those you may see as the worst of mankind. Because in reality, we are all lost sheep trying to find our way.